Grrr....

Right. This morning I’ve woken up in a right strop. This batch of chemo is, frankly, a right pain in the bum. In fact, it’s not far off being an actual pain in the bum – more a constant, jabbing, nagging ache in my lower back. It’s like someone took out the bottom few vertebrae, crushed them up into shards and tried (and failed) to put them back in exactly the right place. With little, sharp, jabby bits sticking out.

Ugh. I had such high hopes of this one – when I got back from jacking up on Wednesday I felt absolutely tip top. I had an afternoon in front of the TV, made dinner, wasn’t sick. I rather arrogantly thought I’d cracked it. On the Thursday I woke up feeling fine. Bit of lower backache, but fine. Friday, again, fine.

But no. “Mwah hah hah” think the drugs racing round my veins. “Let’s just make the next few days a bit of a pain. Nothing prohibitive – let’s just keep her on the edge of feeling OK”. Which is really annoying. I feel like if all was normal and I felt like this say, a year ago, I would’ve just manned up and necked some painkillers and got on with it. It’s not bad enough to really stop me from doing anything. But I know (and people keep reminding me), that I should take things easy and “listen to my body” and all that business. So I’m being good and laying low, but God it’s annoying. I don’t like laying low.

I’m not saying I want to be in loads of pain, or unable to get out of bed – that would be ridiculous, and I know that some people do get hit really badly by this, so I am being a bit of a girl about the whole thing. But it’s all just a bit “meh”.

So that started Saturday, continued Sunday, felt better yesterday. Brilliant! I’ll wake up on Tuesday feeling normal! No you won’t, you’ll wake up in a right strop feeling like you’re swallowing razor covered golf balls. Hah. I’ve also got terrible wind, but you probably don’t want to know that….