Radio Done...

Actually, it was done last week. Last Tuesday to be precise. But if I’m going to be completely honest (and that, after all is the point of this), I’ve been a little stumped about what to actually write. And that’s mainly cos I don’t really know how I feel about it all. Relieved obviously. And glad that all the main, horrible stuff is safely out of the way without hitting me too hard. I think, above all else, it just feels nice to feel normal. But normal’s quite a boring thing to write about.

When I was doing the chemo, I was happily telling everyone (myself included) that I felt “surprisingly OK”. Looking back now, the past 6 months are a bit of a crackers, massive blur – I can remember things happening, but it’s like looking back at things through the bottom of a milk bottle, or a particularly stuffy head cold. That's news to me, having up til now been convinced that I was trotting along nicely, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there’s been a heck of a lot of sympathetic nodding, vague smiles, glances of desperation and mutterings of “yes of COURSE you’re OK” whilst I’ve been rambling on and leaving the house in my nightie and suchlike (God, I hope I didn’t do that. Luckily, as far as I can remember, I only got on a tube with just the one boob the once…).

So finally, life is as back on track as it can be. Herceptin will be going on once every 3 weeks and at some point I’ll get Tamoxifen pills to neck daily, but the hurdy gurdy, helter-skelter, bonkersness of the past few months is over. My hair’s beginning to grow back (current status is a peachy fuzz on a par with my 8 month old godson) and it finally feels like I’m no longer the hospital shop’s biggest customer. I can hit the rowing machine and try and shed some of the chemo-induced chub (“It’ll drop off as soon as the steroids finish”. Apart from it won’t.), and but for the missing mammary I’ll soon be good as new.

Which all means that for now, I’ll be putting this l’il blog to bed. I never really thought when I started writing it that anyone would read past the first couple of entries and, if anything, I thought the whole idea of writing it was pretty self indulgent. After all, who on earth would want to read about me?? But, turns out that my musings have tickled a few funny bones, raised the odd smile and squeezed out the occasional sniffle. It’s hopefully made it a bit easier for people who didn’t know what to say to know what to say, and it’s completely overwhelmed me to realise how much support I’ve had. So thank you to everyone who’s have read it, to the people who’ve sent me messages, and the people who’ve read it and decided to go and run through parks on their weekends to raise money for the other gals going through this shiz. Without wanting to sound all soppy, I have felt very much humbled.

So I’m signing off for a bit. Fingers crossed this year’ll whizz by, and before you know it, I’ll be signing back on to sing from the rooftops that the Rack is Back.