The Port's Left

(Or at least I think the port’s left. If starboard’s left then my little joke doesn’t really work so well).

Anyway, the port’s gone – hurray! In and out and home on the sofa with Phil and Holly and some weird magician types who cure phobias live on telly by half 11. And the pain is nowhere near as bad as when it went in, so I’ve managed to stay more-or-less upright not yet hobble around like a hunch-backed 90 year old. Which is nice.

Rather excitingly, it was all done under local anaesthetic so I got to see the ever-brilliant Mr W in action. It’s all a bit weird having a local – apparently it dulls your pain receptors but not your feeling receptors so while it doesn’t hurt, you can feel someone tugging on something in your chest. They do kindly put a bit of cloth round your chin, so you can’t see what’s going on, although having said that, I’m not sure that might not actually be quite fun… All in, I had the local at 9.35 and was lying back on the ward having a cup of tea by 10. I swear, the man’s a miracle worker.

It was pretty darned ace being in the operating theatre and actually knowing about it – usually the second my feet go through the swing doors into the room I’m out for the count, but I got to see everything that goes on. So now I feel like I know a bit more about what’s happened before. And, he also showed me the port after it had come out and it was MASSIVE (the bottom was about the diameter of a 50p, if not a little bigger). No wonder I could feel the sodding thing. All in all, quite an informative little morning (I’m SUCH a geek!).

So all this means I’m clean as a whistle and good to go and get on with the next bit – radiotherapy planning on Tuesday. 

Duncan Goodhew...

Yul Brynner

Right Said Fred – all 3 of them

Sinead O’Connor

Blofeldt

Britney

And me!

This morning, in my infinite wisdom, I decided enough was enough and cut what was left of my own hair with a pair of nail scissors (I’m well aware that in typing this, I sound a little mental. But infinitely less mental than insisting on ponytailing up my remaining 34 hairs into a two year olds hair band for the past two weeks). Admittedly, it’s not the most professional of haircuts, and I didn’t even use a mirror as I was in the bathroom and it was steamed up so I’m fairly sure I’ve missed bits, but it was SOOOO satisfying! I’d worried that I might get a little emotional about the whole thing, but it’s not often you can just hack away and honestly not give a hoot what you look like. Why I didn’t do it weeks ago is beyond me.

Also, it’s super soft, so I spent a good 10 minutes this morning stroking my own head like a cat (which, to be honest, is the real thing that’s going to make me sound like a mental).

Chemo 6

And, most importantly, the last chemo of them all!! Whoop whoop!

It’s a bit of a weird one to be honest. While it’s absolutely brilliant to have got to the end of the chemo and ticked that box and know that the worst of the side effects will (in a couple of weeks) be over and done with, it’s also brought home more than ever how much more there is left to do. That said, although what’s left are things that will take time, at least my hair can grow back (it’d better be better than my old hair…), and the days of living in fear of peach slices for breakfast and feeling like bits of broken glass are shearing into my spine will hopefully be over.

First things first, the portacath is coming out on April 19^th, back in the capable hands of Mr W (I have no idea what the women of North London are going to do when he retires…). There was talk about this being done under a local so I’d be able to see the great man in action, but they’ve scuppered that plan and I’ll be having a full on sedation (how dull). Clearly they’ve realized that I’d be far too distracting to him if I had even half of my normal wits about me… Rumour has it the drugs they give you for a sedation are pretty squiffy though, so at least I’ll have something to cheer me up…

Then, the following week and into UCLH for my planning meeting for radiotherapy –a CT scan to see if there are any glaring bits left over from what they’ve attacked me with so far, then they tattoo me up so they get the precise co-ordinates of where they’re going to fry me (heaven forbid I should be in anyway cool and have a proper tattoo – just some random dots on my chest for me thanks…). Two weeks later and I’ll be in every day for three weeks for a 15 minute session of sunburn. That should be over by the end of May and just in time for the Queen’s Jubilee weekend (I’m hoping it will be at LEAST as fun as the Royal Wedding – one of my favourite days EVER for the uninitiated…).

And then back on the Herceptin until this time next year – a session on the drip every three weeks. Hence the dawning realization that the chemo is but one little bit…

But, as we all know, a silver lining is MOST important, so……

-       The chemo is DONE! And that is definitely the worst bit.

-       I get even more Mr Wilson time, and that CANNOT be a bad thing.

-       None of this is still a patch on anything Hitler did (even to his niece who we’ve now established he wasn’t actually that nice to).

-       A year on Herceptin means a year of Ivy bringing me tea and biscuits on the ward. Ivy is MENTAL. And lovely. But also a bit mental. 

This week...

Well, on the plus side, the nastiness of last time seems to be somewhat under control. It’s Wednesday, I haven’t yet had to resort to peach slices and white sliced bread and, more importantly, I’m still able to drink copious amounts of tea.

Obviously, things are going far too swimmingly, so let’s throw in a curve ball shall we…?

I’ve only got to go and have another blinking op. Turns out that the port I had fitted to administer the chemo slap bang right in the middle of my chest is also (rather annoyingly) slap bang in the middle of the area that they’ll be radiotherapacising (not 100% sure that’s a word…). So once my chemo finishes on the 4^th (yay!), I’ll have to go in and have the bloody thing shifted out of the way (boo!) before I can go in for a body scan so they can start the radio. I’m going to look like a patchwork quilt this time next year.

What a hoo ha. I’m trying my hardest to find the silver lining, but it all seems like a bit of a pain in the bum to be honest. Especially as last time they didn’t even give me any morphine. How’s a girl supposed to float about on the ceiling without a few warming opiates?? Can’t be avoided though, so no point crying over spilt (breast) milk…

As for the radiotherapy, that sounds like a proper lark. The ever-present run down of potential side effects (“theoretical” I’m told) now includes tiredness, sensitive skin (years of handling sunburn – I’m well primed) and fractured ribs (eh???).

I rather think this afternoon deserves some tea and cake.

Chemo 5

Done and dusted! Five-sixths of the way there (hmm… not a particularly neat fraction). This week’s star guest was my lovely friend Christine, although she did draw the short straw it seems as I managed to conk out early doors and slept pretty much throughout my whole treatment. Well, if they WILL put me in a comfy bed with a blanket, dose me up with anti-histamine and bring me tea (apologies Kaz in advance for the rock and roll session that will be chemo number 6).

After the fun and games of last time (neither fun, nor games to be clear), I’ve decided to nip this side effects business in the bud with cold hard drugs and a structured going to bed routine so I can sleep properly. So last night it was a hot bath, followed by a blow dry of the remaining old lady hair wisps, a hat warmed on a radiator and ear plugs (2^nd year Biological Psychology taught me that if you warm your head before you go to bed you’ll get a better night’s sleep – there’s 3 years of unwasted education for you RIGHT THERE). Followed by….

Paracetamol and ibuprofen – stop that pain before it even arrives

Dom Perignon (not the real DP…) – stop that vomiting before it arrives

Nystatin – a lovely little number that tastes a bit like Aftershock or Sambuca without the alcohol and will hopefully stop that awful sore mouth business (fingers crossed into tiny little knots)

Benylin Drowsy – to knock me out good and proper

Next thing, it’s half 7, the cat’s appeared on my bed from nowhere, the first night’s sleep is done and the next round of drugs are lined (with the Benylin in the morning being replaced by steroids to fatten me up even more). Now, if I can just maintain this for the next two weeks I’ll have nailed it. Heck, I hope it blooming well does. And if it doesn’t, I’m off to book myself in for a nice little reflexology session…